Posted on September 30, 2014
Posted on August 28, 2014
Posted on August 21, 2014
I will stay should the world by me fold
Lift up Your name as the darkness falls
I will wait and hold fast to Your word
Heart on Your heart and my eyes on You
Whoa mama. It’s been a long time since I last blogged.
It’s strange that I took such a long break from writing. I love to blog. Over seven years of blogging on this blog and several (dramatic) college years of blogging on another site, it never got old. Blogging was a source of expression where I shared my inspiration and projects and growth. It’d become a main source of therapy where I aired much of my heartbreak and struggles. I loved blogging through it all.
But recently, as much as I wanted to, I just couldn’t find any real words or images to share. I couldn’t share myself. Because what was really going on was a lot of confusion. Part of this hiatus was due to lots of work, but the other part was avoidance. It’s been just over a year since my mom passed away. And in taking a break from blogging, in some way I felt like I didn’t have to face that she’s been gone for a year already. In all honesty it flew by. I almost felt guilty that the year didn’t go by slower, that I didn’t suffer more. After her death it was so bizarre how meaningless certain days became and how painfully meaningful other days were.
I just kind of wanted to disappear for a while. And I pretty much did. It’s a pretty easy thing to do. It was so easy to keep everything inside, to cry alone silently, not letting anyone in my life know the kind of pain I was struggling with. Opening up is such a double-ended sword. Sharing helped to alleviate some of that mourning, but it also reminded me of why I was mourning. And that constant fear that someone might mention it consumed me.
. . . . .
Then I went to counsel at CBM camp. It’s a Christian high school camp I attended when I was younger and even counseled at while I was in college. It’d been years since I counseled, but I felt God calling me back this year. I was so blessed with two other counselors and together we counseled 13 campers. We were talking with our campers when a topic came up that just seemed appropriate for me to share my experience with my mom with the girls. I shared how hard it was lose her and about my aching fear of losing my father. I confessed how difficult it was to go through but how encouraged I felt to share it with others. It was then that I was reminded as much as it does hurt to share my feelings with others, in the end it’s for the better. God uses little things like that to share his love and bless us. He is a constant source of peace, and He emerges in the smallest of acts, comforting and encouraging us as we navigate this crazy life of ours.
So anyway, long story short… God is good. And I’m back to blogging!
I’ve been lovin the song, “Stay & Wait”, which the lyrics above are from the the video below is of.
Posted on July 22, 2014
Posted on June 30, 2014
Posted on June 19, 2014
Posted on June 13, 2014
Posted on June 9, 2014
There’s always something that triggers my erratic sleep schedule. I struggle with maintaining normal sleep hours. I tried to set time aside last week to “fix” what resulted from traveling every other week for two months. I went to bed at reasonable hours at the beginning of the week, but then I just went back to sleeping during the day. You see, there was a day that I stayed up all night editing and reading…. so late that I thought, “Oh… if I just stay up a couple more hours I can talk to Lance [who lives on the east coast] before he heads to work.” And that’s when it all fell apart. Pretty much since then I’ve stayed up until 5am working or reading or just being up to say good night/morning to him. Then I proceeded to sleep until early afternoon. Woops. I suppose it’s a small price to pay to talk to one’s long-distance boyfriend.
Whenever anyone finds out that Lance lives in Virginia they ask how it is being in a long distance relationship. Honestly it’s hard at times, but I don’t mind it much. With all the traveling I do it feels like I’d be in a long distance relationship with anyone no matter where they lived. And, thankfully, between our trips, I see more of Lance than some of my friends see their significant other. (They see each other once every couple weeks because of their full time jobs, obligations and distances within the Bay Area.) I think if anything our relationship is stronger due to the shear volume of how much we talk. I get a lot of practice explaining my dry/deadpan humor and communicating my feelings (scary, I know). All our emails and texts and phone calls and facetimes give us the opportunity to really get to know each other on a deep level. So all things considered, I still feel pretty blessed to be in a relationship with this guy.
In fact just the other day he unclogged my shower drain from about 2500 miles away. My shower was draining really slowly so I used Drano, which seemed to clog it further. Then according to the directions on the back of the bottle, I poured more down the drain. That, of course, made it completely clogged. It didn’t drain at all. When I called the Drano company (which has a satisfaction guarantee) they told me to call a plumber. Great. Instead, I called Lance, and with little thought he suggested I use a plunger. Aha! Like that, the drain was completely unplugged. Win. He’s across the country but still doing boyfriend-y things for me. Hurray!
Happy Monday! (I love Mondays. Mondays are Saturdays.)